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<title>This is why falling hurts by TrewRilia</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28534932">This is why falling hurts</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrewRilia/pseuds/TrewRilia'>TrewRilia</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Bad end, Broken, F/M, Fluff, From Sex to Love, Hurt, In pain, Love, Onesided Love, The End, falling for you, from sex to strangers, happy end</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:07:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,211</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28534932</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrewRilia/pseuds/TrewRilia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I fell for him. And I can't continue seeing him, it hurts too much.<br/>I decide to tell him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>I/you</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I wish to talk to you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Read chapter 2 for a fluff ending.</p><p>Read chapter 3 for an angst ending.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I know this feeling. And I hate it so much. I hate doing this, but I have to if I want to avoid being broken again. I can’t even say that there aren’t cracks already.</p><p>I ring your door bell as I have so often over the past months. Today, I am not wearing anything special, nothing sexy, but my coat doesn’t give that away, it may even lead you on.<br/>You open the door, let me in and lean down to kiss me – I am also not wearing heels today. I do kiss you, it’s bittersweet, and it is much different from the usual. Just a short touch of our lips.</p><p>Before you can ask what is wrong, and while I pull my coat off that you take from me, being the gentleman you are, I say<br/>“I wish to talk to you about something.”</p><p>You nod and lead me to the living room, the memories I have from this place doesn’t make it easier. But no other place in your or my home would make a difference in that, we have been… exploring a lot. I sit down and you offer my something to drink. I decline politely, I am not planning on staying long tonight.</p><p>You do sit next to me, although not as close as you would otherwise. I smile. This is exactly what poses the problem for me.<br/>Just like so many days and weeks ago, I feel nervous again. I picked today carefully because I wouldn’t be able to do this with dry eyes in any other moment of my cycle.</p><p>“I am listening.” you simply say, calmly.</p><p>Though determined in what I have to do, I can’t look at you. It hurts too much.</p><p>“I can’t see you for some time. Maybe again later, but for now… I can’t.”</p><p>I know you are thinking about what you just heard. You don’t rush with your answers. Which is another factor that adds up to the issue.</p><p>“Please explain to me the reason for that decision.” </p><p>I can’t answer right away. I fear my voice will betray me and stop working. </p><p>“I need to protect myself. I fell for you. And it’s self-inflicted torture at this point if I continue seeing you and do the things with you that we do.”<br/>Somehow, my voice barely even shook while saying this. But I can’t look at you, too scared of your reaction. Scared you will laugh.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Fluff - Happy End</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You sit closer to me and cup my cheek, gently make me look at you.<br/>
I let you lift my head. You seem calm and you’re smiling. Not a mean, mocking smile but a … happy smile?</p><p>I am confused. You stroke my cheek with your thumb.<br/>
“You fell for me?”<br/>
“Yes…”<br/>
“So… you have a romantic interest in me now?”<br/>
“Yes…”</p><p>You keep smiling and somehow it is calming me. Reassuring me. </p><p>“I can’t say I fell for you. But I like you and I feel there is a connection between us.”</p><p>I don’t dare believe what I am hearing and what my brain tells me this means, so I keep my mouth shut and listen.</p><p>You continue. I can feel your hand is slightly shaking on my cheek. “I would like to explore a potential mutual romantic interest. I think- I feel it is a realistic option.”</p><p>My brain is stuck. You can see in my eyes that I have trouble processing what you just said. What it means.<br/>
“Are… are you saying you want to date me? Like old school, building a relationship kind of dating?”</p><p>You nod. “Yes, I do want to date you and explore if I will fall for you too.”</p><p>I take another moment or two to understand what you answered. And then I smile, a single tear rolls down my cheek. “Really?” I ask with a breaking voice.</p><p>“Yes, yes, really.” You confirm, insist, nodding and leaning in for the most intimate kiss we ever shared.<br/>
I melt into the kiss. I don’t cry but I melt into the kiss. Fueled with an energy I had never felt in my life, I push you back against the couch and straddle you, just to kiss you again immediately. That’s all we do for a long while. Kiss. Share long intimate glances with each other. Hug. And kiss more.</p><p>Eventually, I lean back, blushed and profoundly happy. “There’s just one problem.” I say chuckling, almost embarrassed. “I never dated. Not really. I don’t know how that works.” I sit on your lap, grinning like an idiot and shrugging.<br/>
You put my hair behind my ear and pull me into another soft kiss. “Don’t worry. We will figure something out that works for us.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Angst - The End</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You stay quiet. You don’t laugh, but you don’t approach me either. I look up slowly and can see right away that this is not what you expected and definitely not what you want.</p><p>“You don’t have to say anything. I’m aware this is a shitty position for you to be in too.” I say, finally able to look at you when I speak. “Just don’t be mean about it okay?”</p><p>You shake your head. “No, of course not. You know that’s not how I am.” </p><p>“Yes I know, which is exactly why we are having this conversation now.” I smile sadly.<br/>
“Listen, I’m not going to take a lot of your time with this. I just want to check with you how to proceed from here. I’d understand if you wanted to just end it all right here right now, under the present circumstances.”</p><p>I watch you. You’re considering, I can see it in your eyes. It hurts somewhat, but I did expect that. </p><p>“What are your thoughts about that? I know you probably figured all possible options for yourself out already.” you ask, looking a little worried.</p><p>I shrug. Yeah, you know me that well. “I did. Option 1 is a clean cut and that’s it. Option 2 is a sort of time out where we don’t meet, don’t text, nothing and I can … handle this emotional shit.” I take a deep breath. “And when I’m back to normal, I text you and we see how it goes. Option two runs under the condition that, if during the stand by for whatever reason you are not interested in picking things up with me again, you tell me. So that I don’t make a fool out of me again. Like now.”</p><p>“Can I think about that for a couple of days?”</p><p>“Sure. Just text me when you decided.” I get up to leave.</p><p>“You don’t want to stay at all?”</p><p>“No, I can’t. Really, it hurts to see you, to feel you, to smell you, to remember being close to you and everything we did. I’m sorry. I can’t do this to myself again.”</p><p>“Okay. I understand. Please take care. I will tell you within the week. I’m sorry too.”</p><p>I nod, get my coat and leave, pulling the door close behind me.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Days later, you sent me a text. “I want to go with option 2, terms and conditions accepted. Take care.”<br/>
I smile and shed a single tear and reply “Thank you. You too. I text you in the future.”</p>
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